Story Time!!!

First Story was given to me by the Robo-Chic. Seems when she was young her older brother would constantly walk around the house naked just to try to bother our lesbian hero. One day she just gets tired of seeing the damn thing waits outside the shower and when he appears, she gives it a good HARD yank and runs out of the room. He never was naked around her again.

The next story is one of personal experience. I go to check on the wife in the laundry room and I find her topless. She proceeds to grab a shirt from from a selection from the rack where she keeps the laundry soap (because evidently this is a common occurance) and simply puts it on and walks out, leaving my sorry ass there wondering why I don't go into the laundry room more often.

For the little woman (Woo-man, Woo-man)

She's a yellow pair of running shoes
A holey pair of jeans
She looks great in cheap sunglasses
She looks great in anything
She's I want a piece of chocolate
Take me to a movie
She's I can't find a thing to wear
Now and then she's moody

She's a Saturn with a sunroof
With her brown hair a-blowing
She's a soft place to land
And a good feeling knowing
She's a warm conversation
That I wouldn't miss for nothing
She's a fighter when she's mad
And she's a lover when she's loving

[Chorus]
And she's everything I ever wanted
And everything I need
I talk about her, I go on and on and on
'Cause she's everything to me

She's a Saturday out on the town
And a church girl on Sunday
She's a cross around her neck
And a cuss word 'cause its Monday
She's a bubble bath and candles
Baby come and kiss me
She's a one glass of wine
And she's feeling kinda tipsy

She's the giver I wish I could be
And the stealer of the covers
She's a picture in my wallet
Of my unborn children's mother
She's the hand that I'm holding
When I'm on my knees and praying
She's the answer to my prayer
And she's the song that I'm playing

[Repeat chorus]

She's the voice I love to hear
Someday when I'm ninety
She's that wooden rocking chair
I want rocking right beside me
Everyday that passes
I only love her more
Yeah, she's the one
That I'd lay down my own life for

And she's everything I ever wanted
And everything I need
She's everything to me
Yeah she's everything to me

Everything I ever wanted
And everything I need
She's everything to me


Every now and then I get a little lost
My strings all get tangled, my wires all get crossed
Every now and then I'm right up on the edge
Dangling my toes out over the ledge
I just thank God you're here

'Cause when I'm a bullet shot out of a gun
'Cause when I'm a firecracker comin' undone
Or when I'm a fugitive ready to run, all wild-eyed and crazy
No matter where my reckless soul takes me
Baby you save me

It's hard lovin' a man that's got a gypsy soul
I don't know how you do it, I'm not sure how you know
The perfect thing to say to save me from myself
You're the angel that moves me like nobody else
And I thank God you do

'Cause when I'm a bullet shot out of a gun
When I'm a firecracker coming undone
When I'm a fugitive ready to run, all wild-eyed and crazy
No matter where my reckless soul takes me
Baby you save me

I know I don't tell you nearly enough
That I couldn't live one day without your love

When I'm a ship tossed around on the waves
Up on a highwire that's ready to break
When I've had just about all I can take
Baby you, baby you save me

When I'm a bullet shot out of a gun
When I'm a firecracker coming undone
When I'm a fugitive ready to run, all wild-eyed and crazy
No matter where my reckless soul takes me
Baby you save me

Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin' and Pukin'

Let me be the first to say I am depressed by the revelation that there is no Britney Spears sex tape. I was looking forward to seeing that. And not for Federline's naked ass either.

If the sound of children laughing is supposed to be happy, why does it always give me a headache?

Man was I sick Sunday going into Monday. Poopin and Pukin all over the place. It was nasty. The one I really felt sorry for was the wife who stayed up with me all night.

Speaking of small and angry she informs me that she has not been pleased with the content found in this blog. So babe this is for you..........

My wife is my world. I could not live without her. She completes me. She is my rock, she keeps me sane when I try to go off the deep end. She is the half that makes me whole. Without her I would be the serial killer she always thought I could be. After 7 years I think she might even think I am right about some things. Another 7 years and I might even convince her I'm a nice guy. These have been the best 7 years of my life and I can't wait to spend the next 75 with her.

So who is the God person anyway?

My Into to Eastern Religions class has resurfaced my whole "God Problem" again. This is the one point that me and the wife will consistently fight about. She was raised in a Baptist house and was never given the chance to find her own religion. This is what you are going to believe. Why? To perform the basic function of religion, to impose your views onto other people.

All organized religion is a crock. Clergy are no more than used car salesmen. I dare you to find me one that is not a pedophile, alcoholic, wife-beater, or scam artist. Organized religions also teach hate. What you say? No my church teaches love. Bullshit. Thou shalt worship no other gods than me. All other religions are wrong. There can be no other point of view. Other religions are intolerable. You must rid the earth of other religions and convert them all to mine. All other religions are to be feared and hated.

The more religious you are, generally the bigger the secret you have to hide. People use religion as the mask to their shame. God will forgive me because he loves me even though I set fire to my defenseless 6 week old child. Bullshit.

That brings me to the whole does he or doesn't he exist argument. If God is so good how does he let all the horrible things that go on on this planet happen? Two theories neither the wife is going to like. Theory A he doesn't exist. Theory B HE DOESN'T FUCKING CARE ABOUT US!!! Even if, on the remote chance, some supreme being populated this planet with life just to see what happened, we are no more than a science experiment. If He was that powerful He could intercede, so why not? He either can't or won't. Won't says He doesn't care. Can't says that we are no more that lab rats and He must let us play out our miserable little existences to the end.

Oh yeah and there is the Bible. Let me get this straight. You are telling me that a book that is over 2000 years old and stories that are even older than that are accurate? Please!!!! Did you ever play "telephone" in elementary school? It is a fact of the human condition that any piece of information will be distorted after its 3rd telling. The stories are probably so distorted by now that any truth that was originally there is long since gone.

Religion is also based upon hypocrisy. If you believe something you need to believe in it full time. Thou shall not swear? Thou shalt not covet another man's wife? Anybody? Anybody? Bueller? Bueller? You've heard of Easter Catholics and Sunday morning Christians, but nobody calls them what they are hypocrites.

By the way, if there is a God my money is on the fact that God is a woman. C'mon and tell me that a chick wouldn't start a mess like this and then leave it for her male half to step in and fix it.

I guess my beliefs fall closest to the category of Zen Buddhism. No supreme being. You do what is right because it is the right thing to do. No reward. The point of life is to live a good life.

Religion is based on tradition and plays upon the fact that nobody thinks critically about it. The people who do are outcasts and labeled heretics and atheists because they actually use the brain in their head.

And as I was afraid, the wife finds me writing this and an hour long fight ensues complete with tears and yelling. The point of the blog is to get it out. Look babe, I respect your position, I just want you to respect mine.

Long Time, No Blog

Has anyone seen me? I seem to be MIA from my own blog. Classes started again so I am working hard at not working hard. Just passed 7 years with the wife since last I was here. Thats about 1/4 of my life. I forget what it was like before her.

Life is about regrets. If you don't have any you're not trying hard enough.

Drama and Chaos at work. Work stands for Wearing Out Raking over the Koals. (yeah I know thats not spelled right but I had to make the acronym fit, sue me)

Speaking of that little woman of mine, she has been 3 shades of weird this week. Horny (good thing) freaked out by one of our friends at work (ok thing) wanting me to go to her family's for turkey day (bad thing).

Well I must go, time to try and recoup some sleep.