Dashboard Boogie

7/24/06

I'm a 29 year old male married with 2 kids, a dog, minivan, suv, and a house. We live the american dream, complete with the bankruptcies. The official diagnosis of me is moderatly depressed with low self-esteem and fits of anger. I like football, poker, and sci-fi. In the 2 years I have acquired 2 new obsessions, poker and Doctor Who. Doctor Who is a British Sci-Fi that has made an amazing "regeneration" after being off the airwaves for over a decade. I will apologize now, because as you can tell my thoughts just ramble on, there usually is some kind of connection jumping from thought junction to thought junction, but point "a" might be light years away from point "z".
I like country, classic rock, and have recently discoved jazz. I played violin in school until the day I graduated. I retired on that day, so don't even bother asking me to play because it's been 11 years and I probably couldn't even open the case anymore.
If you want a good idea how my psyche operates all you need to know is that my favorite Muppet characters as a child were Statler and Waldorf, the crank old guys who sat in the balcony who heckled everybody. They were my heros.
I am an only child who never met his father. I am walking contradiction. I will wait all day for a poker game online, but don't have the patience to wait for microwave popcorn. (The microwave popcorn theory states that the beauty of microwave popcorn is the ability to eat one bag while the next one cooks.)

My partner in crime, the Fro, have many theories about life. Such as:

1. Microwave popcorn theory (see above)
2. Bag theory (A chick with a great body but the face of Medusa, theory states throw a bag over her head and she will remain hot, and do-able)
3. There is no such thing as an ugly volleyball player.
   
4. All-in or Fold theory (similar to fish or cut bait and shit or get off the pot, make a decision one way or the other but get on with it all ready)

FAVORITE SAYINGS

1. Fail to plan, plan to fail

2. That’s not natural, but oak express is!

3. damn the torpedoes, full steam ahead!

4. qui-qui-riqui!

5. spoon!

6. what’s your matter?

7. from way downtown, bang!

8. you live for the fight when its all that you got

9. in the card game of life, women are the rake

10. shitballs and monkey nuts

11. hell’s bells

12. that’s hysterical

13. He just got wham-boozled!

14. That’s tough! T-u-f-f tough!

15. way to be!

16. dude, I’m there!

17. america, you’ve said loudly, proudly and with one voice Hey! Whoever, just shut up!

18. I'm just flying by the seat of my pants

My poor little wife tries but she just treads water dealing with my psychosis. I don't know how just to approach anything cautiously. I just jump in headfirst , hence the damn the torpedoes reference.

Maybe some day I figure out this life until then I'll keep crashing until I figure out how to keep this ship in the air.